Tonight, for the first time in a while, my "dad" has been on my mind. I have never gotten to know him for more than a few months at a time. It kills me that he doesn't love me enough or even like me enough to want to get to know me. I know there are tons of people in my life that love me and I have great relationships with people regardless of the love I want to receive from my father. I wish there was a way to contact him and talk to him. Tell him how I feel. I guess not everything can be handed to me on a silver platter, huh? My main wish is that he could have been a part of this year. My senior year. I have made so many memories that he will never be a part of (and likely never know of). But that's that. I dont feel "okay" about it. I feel let down about it. I feel angry about it. But I think eventually I will become content with it. Move on. Not want to know him anymore. Maybe I just want to think that. I want to be mad at him. To hate him. But I know I never will. I will always love him and want him to be apart of my life.
Somethings never change.
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